Evil Pop

My sister thinks, musically, I am stuck in the 90s. This is probably true because I only listen to Pearl Jam. Sometimes Sting. Sometimes Queen. Sarah McLachlan if I'm feeling Lilithfair-like.

So I decided to give my iTunes a rest and listen to LaunchRadio on Yahoo instead. I ignored the Rock stations because there's a snowball's chance in hell they'd have any PJ on their playlist. I chose Today's Big Hits instead. That should bring me up to speed on what you kids are listening to these days.

This is my assesment of Today's Big Hits.

When it's not being extremely misogynistic, hip hop/rap can be quite fun. If you don't really pay attention to what's being said, you just bop and thump your way to oblivion. 50 has a lazy drawl that's quite charming but all he wants is to lick you like a lolipop. Ew. I need to take a shower just typing that out. Nelly is my favorite so far because he just seems like the class clown, the funny guy with the big beats that somehow make you want to take your clothes off. That duet with Tim McGraw? Awesome. [As an aside, in the video, Tim does this small wince when he sings the line about not being able to stand thinking about her with another man. It's priceless, dude. You're cute, Tim. Call me.]

Destiny's Child has better songs than Beyonce on her own. I despise Ashanti, trying too hard. I hit skip whenever she comes on. I adore Ciara. You're so cool, girl. Call me, we do the One Two Step together. Alicia Keys may be a piano prodigy, but really, she's just a different version of Lauryn Hill. Listen to Karma. I swear that's a total rip off of one of Lauryn's songs. I like Alicia Keys, but I wish Lauryn would come out of hiding/retirement, but then that's the 90s in me reemerging.

Simple Plan, Hoobastank et al sound the same. The same voice (not so 90s angst, prolly too jaded and lazy to be full on rage), the same subject matter (I hate my life, I love you but hate you, school sucks, I want more than what the world has to offer), the same damn chords for all I know. De-ri-va-tive. The only people I can stand is Maroon 5. Yes, I am the ketinggalan zaman, so sue me. But I am seriously considering purchasing Songs About Jane and I'm someone who don't spend money on anyone else but Pearl Jam.

Then there's all the sensitive songwriter a la John Mayer: the Ryan Cabreras, Jesse McCartneys. You just know they'll park themselves in front of you, guitar in tow, strum strum strum their eagerly sincere lyric to win you back, equating you with elusive goddesses and your body with various fairground attractions. *rolls eyes* please. I'll stick with my Chris Martin thank you very much.

And now we come to the pinnacle in the evil axis of pop. Bubblegum girls. Lord, save me from the repetitious chorus of Ashlee Simpson, Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. I say it's evil because even though you know the song sucks big time, you find yourself humming it a few hours later. It's persistent and obnoxiously sweet that your brain turns into an FM radio early in the morning, waking up with the chorus of "Pieces of Me" on an endless loop screeching in your ears. That Ashlee Simpson, her voice is just grating I tell you. Don't get me started on the Duff. I banged my head in the shower to stop myself singing "Coming Clean".

In between all that, I get gems like Mariah's We Belong Together or Collide by this group I forgot the name of. Or The Neptunes, or Joss Stone. And Jojo, eventhough she looks like she belongs in the bubblegum group, there's just something about the girl, an attitude I approve. Usher and Ludicrous together, awesome. Ditto Gwen and Eve. Heavy make-up and Marilyn-channeling aside, Xtina blows me away everytime.

I'm quite happy to be stuck in the 90s, thank you. This 'pop', it's okay in small doses, on trips to the grocery store, mind-numbingly good on the way to the dentist. Maybe I'm just playing it safe, sticking to songs I know backwards and forwards. Maybe I'm turning into those old fogeys who shake their heads at things they don't comprehend "You kids and your loud music". Ha. Who cares. At times of anger, sadness or boredom, PJ's Porch is a definite pick me up I can always rely on. And there's nothing better than cooking with Freddie in the background.