Untitled So Far

Bob's real name is Hafiz. When he was 16 his mother made him go to a boarding school, thinking bad canteen food and homesickness will make her only son lose the extra 20 pounds he had cumulated since puberty. The law of boarding schools everywhere dictates that the first fat, round or pudgy boy to introduce himself during orientation must henceforth be known as 'Bob'. No one knows why, but it's faithfully, and sometimes gleefully, observed. At 16, our dear Hafiz was indeed fat, round and pudgy. We're talking Santa Claus fat. Thus Hafiz became Bob. At the JPA briefing, when Amir first met the slighly slimmer Hafiz (it turned out Hafiz's mother was right), he wondered how many other Malaysian Bobs were out there, forever reminded of their weight, forever trying to shake off the rotund name bestowed them.

Malik did not go to boarding school and was often left feeling like an outsider when the other boys in the apartment began reminsicing of their good ol' days. Having classmates of other races, Malik is very comfortable with his English and speaks it more often than his housemates. Tall, with a smooth, fair complexion, Malik is a product of an upper middle-class suburban family, properly fed with all the essential nutrition a growing boy needed, a BMX when he was eight, mountain-bike and rollerblades when he was twelve, a PS2 after SPM, and all the electronic gardgets, CD players, PCs and GameBoys in between. Malik is the guy girls zero in when they see a picture of a group of Malay boys, immediately placing a finger on his smiling, bespectacled face, asking "Who's this guy? What's his name?" Often, the finger pointing at Malik's face would obliterate Bob's.

Malik and Bob kindly left Amir a single slice of pizza. Amir parked himself by the coffee-table and thanked God he got this much.

"Mana Joe?"
Bob glared at a door. "Kat dalam bilik. Makan chicken wings."

Amir looked down at his half-eaten slice of plain, cheese pizza. It had yellow spots everywhere and was oozing some kind of oil. Chicken wings sounds sooo good right now. Amir could almost see the white meat against the red of the cripsy skin, smothered in steaming hot sauce, juicy and...

Just then, the door opened and Joe stepped out holding a crumpled foil, fingers stained dark with barbecue sauce. Licking his fingers, he crossed the living room to the kitchen, tossed the foil into the garbage can and washed his hands. He had eaten them all. Amir didn't want any more of the pizza.

Joe sat down next to him.
"Aik? Tak lapar ke? Sikit je makan?"
Amir looked at him like he just sprouted horns. On his ass.
Bob said out loud what was on everybody's mind.
"Dah kenyang makan ayam katok tu, diam-diam je lah. Babi."
Joe laughed.
"Ehh, at least aku tak makan depan korang kan?"
Malik rolled his eyes. Din just grinned along with Joe. Amir gulped down some Coke, knowing that a picture in his head of Joe feasting on a dozen crispy, chicken wings was worse than having to watch it for real.
"Ko kena yakin je, boy. Ustaz kat Chicago tu pun cakap. Yakin je. Kira darurat lah ni."
"Darurat apa kalau kedai ayam halal tu lima minit je dari pintu rumah ko?"
"Sapa suruh tak masak malam ni? Sapa cakap dia nak sangat makan pizza?"
Everyone turned to Bob, resident chef and cheese pizza connoisseur.
"Aku ada mid-term lah petang tadi. Balik rumah penat lah, bengong. Asyik aku je masak. Ingat aku suri-rumah korang ke?"
"Tapi ko masak sedap, boy. Kitorang masak macam c**ai." Din volunteered.
"Weh, weh, iklan Miller Lite." Malik directed their attention to the well-endowed blonde girls on TV and the subject was momentarily forgotten.

When the commercial was over, Joe got up and asked them if they were ready to go.
"Ko nak cari apa kat Renton, Joe? Ko ada member mat salleh buat party Halloween ke?"
"Tak. Ada la something aku nak cari. Aku dah print dah direction dari YahooMaps. Tak lama, dua puluh minit je."
"Ko cari kedai ke? Ko cari IKEA ek?"
"Buat apa pegi IKEA. Pompuan je pegi IKEA tu. Mahal nak mampos pulak tu."
Malik, who was used to IKEA furniture and quite liked them, said, "Tak de lah mahal sangat. Considering the quality you're getting, it's quite a bargain. And dia tak de lah jual kerusi mak datin."
"Ah!" Joe scoffed. "Bayar mahal-mahal, pastu kena pasang sendiri. Kalau aku kena bayar dua tiga ratus dollar untuk sebijik katil, sepatutnya dia dah dah siap pasang untuk aku and hantar kat rumah aku dengan van dia. Tinggal aku kena pasang cadar je."
"I doubt you'd even do that." Malik said under his breath.
"Apa?"
Amir, who had heard this comment, laughed, the girl who broke his heart a mere wisp of a memory.
"Nak pegi ke tak nak ni?"

Malik and Bob, twins separated at birth, shrugged.
Din, who was always game for anything and did not want to miss out on a good time, said, "Alaah..ikut je lah. Nak buat apa terperap kat rumah malam Jumaat ni? Entah-entah, Joe nak cari str*p-bar kat Renton."

Joe grinned mysteriously and did not say anything.