Cop-Out Entry

"...at twenty you know you're not going to be a rock-star. By twenty-five, you know you're not going to be a dentist or a professional. And by thirty, a darkness starts moving in -and you wonder if you're ever going to be fulfilled, let alone wealthy or successful. By thirty-five, you know, basically, what you're going to be doing the rest of your life; you become resigned to your fate."
Douglas Coupland, Girlfriend in a Coma

But they say life doesn't begin till you're forty!

Dammit, thirty is waving at me behind a corner and I'm still clinging to the notion of becoming a rock-star.

Ok, not a rock-star. Something frivolous like that.

Perhaps the quote is not true, though. It resonates for some people, me for example, but maybe not others. I know plenty of people who know exactly what they want to do even at twenty. They find out early on what they're reaaaallly good at, they go to college to get better at it, and they have jobs that allow them to do that very thing for the rest of their lives. Are these people the lucky ones, the exceptions? Or are they sad because they only know, and want, ONE thing?

I think if you find out what you're good at when you're say 15, you're lucky. And if that thing you're good at happens to be great for nation-building and a potential to make lots and lots of money, say, a propensity for writing computer programmes for example (For Example!!), then you'll have a bright bright future. If, by the time you get out of college, you land a job with some billion-dollar company because you're damn good at what you do and you've been doing it like a pro since you were 15, then you're life is pretty much set. And if I were to meet you in real life, I would congratulate you and say "Dude, you are that 1% of the population who get exactly what you set out to get in life. Oh, and get a hobby because you just might get bored."

Some of us are not that lucky. At 15, we're obsessed with rock-stars, high-school gossip and fitting into a group/clique. When we finish high-school and college beckons, we have no idea what course to choose or which uni to go to because we have no idea what the hell we want. We think it'll be cool to get some high-paying job in an air-conditioned office, or get paid to climb mountains and travel everywhere, or be on TV: sing, act, report, read news, whatever, but what do we have to DO to get there? We are sampans without rudders or oars. We end up taking a course that best fits our SPM results, that our parents approve of, that our other friends are also taking, that is closest to home, that is cheapest, that is easiest. Or we opt not to go to college at all and work our way to the top of whatever job we get. By the time we're thirty, it's not just we're resigned to our fate, we also persuade others to believe in the futility of it all. And that is how we get stuck in a malaise, yet do nothing about it.

I don't know what my point is exactly. I want to say, No! That's not true! Some people come out of college knowing what they want to do and try to get it, [yeah, and then they come home and have to serve out their contract and get stuck in a rut again]. Some people carve their own path and are quite succesfull. Happiness is random, is subjective. Maybe that accountant in that bank is perfectly happy punching in numbers day in day out, maybe that cashier in your cafeteria is content with the job he has. Maybe they're all blissfull in the ignorance of supposing to want more.

Me? What I want and who I want to be changes every month. And every scenario in my head has its own unique obstacles. The question is: Do I want to overcome them, or do I just play the cards I'm dealt with and be content? Do I sing Doris Day's "Que Sera Sera" or Christina Aguilera's "Fighter"?

This didn't turn out to be a cop-out entry after all. C'est la vie.